A Day in the Life at the University of Nottingham

The original draft, produced for 'Fireball Whisky'. I'd like to reiterate this was written in an attempt to appeal to the target audience. It is not a reflection of my attitude towards university. If it was, I wouldn't have successfully got through one year, let alone three.

http://www.ignitethenite.co.uk/a-day-in-the-life-of-a-university-of-nottingham-student/

A Day in the Life at the University of Nottingham

What UCAS didn't tell us…

Alarm goes off, 8 o clock, Monday morning. An early start to kick off what you are determined will be a productive week – head down in books, plenty of studying, minimal social life – that’s right, this is your degree, and you’re going to get a damn good grade! Just 5 more minutes, though.

You wake up, squint at the clock to focus… Five hours have passed and it’s 1 o’clock. B******s. Never mind, there’s always tomorrow, or next week failing that. What’s important right now is breakfast (can you call it that?). You drag yourself out of bed, and into the communal kitchen where Sensible Sally has just come back from her 4 hour morning stint in the library. Still ignoring that overwhelming sense of failure, you search through your food cupboard. Well, search is an exaggeration. What you actually do is pull out a pack of Super Noodles for it happens to be all that the food cupboard has to offer at this moment in time – that’ll do.

Now, there are lots of myths about university. Living on Super Noodles is one of them. I don’t know anybody who lives off Super Noodles at University. In self-catered halls, most like to think of themselves as quite the professional in the kitchen, so expect to start rustling up gourmet meals that Delia would be proud of! (or, so you convince yourself). In catered halls, well, you’re catered. No other explanation needed. Anyway, moving on…

You throw on some clothes and rush to your one and only lecture of the day, sitting down discreetly at the back in hope that nobody noticed your late arrival, only to spend the next hour struggling desperately to stay awake. An hour passes, you've managed to note down one sentence and you’re still awake, result. You walk out feeling like a king. A sense of euphoria hits you, a celebration is in order. You take out your phone…
“Steve?”. “Yep?”. “You make it?”. “No mate, gave it a miss today, bit ill”. “Good call, Mooch?”. “Great call, see you there”.

And so you head to the University of Nottingham student bar, Mooch, for a well deserved celebratory pint. Mooch is a great little bar – good food, drinks, great prices, right in the middle of campus. Your mates (let’s call them… Mike and Pete) meet you there and suggest a FIFA tournament back at theirs. Now, there’s one thing you should consider – if you can’t play FIFA, learn to. If you don’t, you’ll be making sandwiches, sending letters home to parents and a shed load of other punishments in order to ‘apologise’ for your disgraceful performances. On your way home you get handed a flyer for Oceana. Oceana is the official Monday night venue for University of Nottingham students. All students, yourself (by this time) included, are fully aware of this. But yes, you do need a flyer to remind you, in case you forget, or go to the wrong place, or need some persuasive advertising to convince you. You make the executive decision that tonight you’re all off to Oceana, and send a group text around to let all your mates know the good news. Replies, in general, follow one of the following two formats:
“Oh my god! That’s only 6 hour’s away and I have nothing to wear! I need to start getting ready!!”. Or…
“Sounds good. See you in a bit for FIFA”. I’ll leave it up to your imagination which gender fits which generic reaction.

6pm. For the guys, FIFA begins and Pizza’s are ordered. For the girls (oops, I've blown it, sorry!), panic begins, and Clothes options are contemplated (I apologize for the excessive stereotyping used here, I assure you these are as much of a myth as the Super Noodles, honest…)
Three hours later. Pete is off creating a Moonpig card for you. Nice work on the 10-0 victory, by the way! The rest of the guys jump in the shower (Oh hilarious. No, not together) and pick out whatever they can find to wear on their bedroom floor. The girls, unhappy with their choice of attire, change. Again.

Pre drinks eventually start with a nice quiet game of ‘Ring of Fire’. Pete, not having a good day, finds the last King in the pack, and next thing you know he’s downing a pint of wine, beer and Tesco Value vodka mixed together into a horrible concoction of student grossness. Again, if you’re not familiar with the rules of Ring of Fire, learn them. Unlike Pete, ‘One Beer Nigel’, or so he is now to be called, fails to handle his drink. For Nigel, the night is cut short, as he is stretchered off to the toilet to throw up that sandwich that Steve was obliged to make him earlier.

Not long before the taxis are due, you stumble over a… well, you don’t stumble over anything actually. You just stumble over. You sensibly and correctly conclude that you’re not drunk enough - time for the ‘Fireball’ Whisky to come out, clearly.

Oceana is packed. You’re not sure why but some unknown celebrity, supposedly from ‘The Only Way is Essex’, is showing off his array of talents by acting as stand-in DJ for your entertainment. Instead, you opt for the ‘Cheese room’. A wise choice given the circumstances, I sense. Whilst you and your mates show off your dance moves to hits from the likes of Busted, McFly and the Vengaboys – Sober Sharon, complete in her usual sense-of-mind, feels vividly scarred by the horrific scene in front of her (by that, I mean your dancing) and decides it would be best to make a quiet escape. She never liked Busted anyway (Sharon, if you’re reading, we know you’re lying, who doesn’t love ‘Year 3000’? You’re not fooling anybody).

Upstairs, that guy from television has made way for the professional, and there’s a gap at the bar just waiting for you to get in that round of Jagerbombs before you hit the dancefloor in what you consider a sufficiently intoxicated state. Oceana feels like paradise! (Go take a look in the morning, you might find yourself with a difference of opinion). What’s that you hear now? Is that the Baywatch theme tune? Now you’re experiencing a true University of Nottingham night out. For some reason, at every official University of Nottingham club night, when the Baywatch theme tune plays, the guys proceed to take their shirts off and swing them around their heads. Honestly, it’s quite a ritual (you’ll see, soon). You take part in a desperate attempt to show off your ‘six pack’ to girls you believe you’re surrounded by (Don’t worry, no matter how poor your topless physique, rest assured there will be somebody worse off than you!).

Before heading home you make a quick pit-stop at McDonalds, ensuring you flash your student card and collect your complimentary extra cheeseburger! The next part is a bit of a blur. I think a safe bet would be that it involved falling into a bush somewhere, though. Just a hunch…

You wake up the next morning, 8am alarm still set from the previous day, ready to get to work. You hear Sally up and about, getting ready to head off to the library. Your head has different plans though, so you make a wise decision in giving it 10 minutes more rest before you follow Sally’s example…
You wake up, Its 1 o’clock. B******s. Never mind, there’s always tomorrow, or next week. Now, how about something to cure that hangover? Super Noodles, perfect.

Varsity Series 2013 - Swimming Report

Men’s

If one word can be used to sum up the performance of the University of Nottingham male swimming squad – that word is unbeatable. With 12 events in total, and 12 victories, the Nottingham Trent boys must be wondering why they bothered to turn up, or rather, why they didn’t.

The first men’s race of the competition was to be a clear sign of things to come. The 4x50 metres Men’s Medley saw Nottingham University take first place, and Nottingham University B take second! If ever there was an indication of a mismatch, this was it. Trent were left trailing in Nottingham’s wake, having to settle for an internal battle between themselves for 3^rd place.

University of Nottingham’s supremacy never faded, picking up first and second yet again in the next race, the 100 metre Individual Medley, meaning that UoN had secured a 100% record in their first two races. In the 100 metres Butterfly, the winning competitor swam a storming race, securing a time of 56.98 seconds; and the 50 metres Freestyle champion was timed in at an impressive 24.20 seconds. However Trent, respectfully, managed both second and third place in the 50 metres Freestyle. Before half-time, UoN had further triumphed in the 50 metres Backstroke and 100 metres Breastroke.

The half-time break gave Trent some time to re-group and re-focus, but it made little difference. The men came out as they began, achieving a first and second place finish in the 50 metres Butterfly. A time of 53.32 seconds was enough in the 100 metres Freestyle to beat the Trent competitor’s extremely respectable time of 54.24. By the time the 4x50 metres Freestyle Relay came around, the competition was long gone for Trent, and the University of Nottingham team annihilated them, once again in both first and second place. The only real competition for the University of Nottingham men came from within their own ranks, as they fought for first place on the (imaginary) podium.

The final race was the most exciting. The ‘8x50 metres Individual Medley Skins’ involved 8 competitors, 4 from each side, racing 50 metres in a stroke that was to be randomly selected. The slowest competitor would be eliminated, leaving 7 competitors to race again, and so on. This was to be repeated until the final showdown, where the last two men standing would race for the title. After 4 eliminations, the rivals were stalemate, each with two men remaining. Unfortunately for Trent, those two University of Nottingham swimmers proved too strong, and both found themselves up against each other in a final that was to be irrelevant for the swimmers as a squad – though I’m sure the two teammates had a different perspective on the matter.

Women’s

Much like the male half of the University of Nottingham swimming squad, the females obliterated their Trent opponents in what was by no means a tightly-fought contest. The 2013 Varsity swimming tournament began with the women’s 4x50 metres Medley, and the team’s first victory on what was to become a long list! This first race set the precedent for the women’s following races, and again, they didn’t let their performances slip.

The following three races – the 100 metres Individual Medley, the 100 metres Butterfly and the 50 metres Backstroke – were won comfortably by the University of Nottingham girls. Additionally, second places were secured in the 100 metres Individual Medley and 50 metres Backstroke. Things were going swimmingly (so to speak!) until Nottingham Trent finally gave us an idea of their strong point – Breastroke. The Trent swimmer put in a fantastic race against our very own UoN competition (who swam a very strong race herself) to secure Trent’s very first victory of the afternoon. The win was met with a huge roar from the Trent side, who must have felt a humongous sense of relief simply by ensuring they weren’t to be defeated in each and every race. As a University of Nottingham onlooker, you couldn’t help but be pleased for her in the face of a considerably inferior Trent squad.

Normality resumed however in the 50 metres freestyle, with the University of Nottingham champion managing an inspiring time of 27.57 seconds.

Following the half-time break the women continued the University of Nottingham’s dominance with superb displays in 50 metres Butterfly and 100 metres Backstroke. In both instances the UoN team managed to secure the top two places, particularly annihilating the Trent competition in the Backstroke. It was then time for the 50 metres Breastroke – which again proved to be Trent’s personal best stroke. The female competitors from both sides swam what was a neck-and-neck battle which was to go right down to the finish… where the University of Nottingham still managed to deliver the win, of course. Trent’s time recording of 37.32 was a matter of milliseconds behind the 37.06 achieved by our very own athlete.

The 100 metres Freestyle was a far more straightforward victory for UoN, taking first and second place once again. The following race, however, was to provide somewhat of a shock. The 4x50 metres Freestyle Relay proved to be the best race of the entire competition, ending with Nottingham Trent’s second, and final victory of the afternoon – the University of Nottingham were forced to settle for second and third place on this occasion.

Finally, again, the 8x50 metres Individual Medley Skins was a thrilling way to end a superb day of swimming for the UoN squad. As described above, the slowest swimmer in each race was to be eliminated until only two swimmers remain. Nottingham Trent found themselves with three out of their four swimmers eliminated in the first three rounds, leaving the hope of Trent’s entire swimming team resting on the shoulders of one swimmer for the remaining 4 races. Outstandingly, the Trent representative managed to survive each round, leaving a true University of Nottingham versus Nottingham Trent final to end the competition. In line with the rest of the contest, the UoN swimmer did the university proud, beating the exceptional Trent athlete in the final showdown. 

2013 Varsity Swimming Twitter Updates

My coverage of the Swimming event for the Varsity series 2013. University of Nottingham Vs Nottingham Trent.

• Varsity swimming 2013 about to get underway here at the #UoN. Uni of currently leading Trent in the series 3-2!

• Nottingham Uni take the first race! The 4x50m Women's Medley. Great start from the women, time for the boys to step up to the plate! 

• And Nottingham Uni comfortably take first place again, followed by Nottingham Uni B in second! Trent left to pick up 3rd and 4th! #UoN #Easy

• Men's 100m individual medley. Different race, same result. #UoN pick up first and second place! What a start! 

• Trent give a good race but the #UoN women's 100m butterfly swimmer is too strong a match. First place, again!

• ... Followed by another first place for the men's race, won in a time of 56.98. Great swim! Can Trent salvage anything from this?!

• Still a clean sweep for the #UoN varsity swimming squad. Wins in the 50m backstroke for both men and women! You have to feel for #Trent here

• And a huge roar from the #Trent side as they finally beat #UoN to first place in the 100m breastroke! Can't help but be pleased for her...

• Normality resumed as the male swimmer for Uni of secures first place in the 100m breastroke. Overall, unfortunately, this is a non-contest

• The male and female swimmers for #UoN too strong in the 50m freestyle. Trent, respectfully, pick up 2nd and 3rd in the male race, though.

• Scores at half-time, Nottingham Trent 42 - 77 @UniofNottingham - Event of two halves, maybe? No, probably not. 

• Speaking to a #UoN competitor - confirms that Trent 'aren't allowed to win anything' and they are 'disappointed' to have lost a race at all.

• Swimming resumes with the women's 50m butterfly. @UniofNottingham domination resumes. 1st and 2nd place, again!

• And the men follow in the women's footsteps. #UoN take it again. The 3rd place Trent competitor wasn't far behind, though. 

• Trent so close to another Breastroke victory. Female 50m. Probably the closest race so far. Breastroke clearly their event!

• @UniofNottingham dominate the 100m freestyle. Securing the wins with both categories... But what a race this next one is!!

• Amazing race! And Trent have done it! Their second victory of Varsity swimming secured dramatically in the women's 4x50m freestyle relay!

• But the @UniofNottingham men dominate the same event with 1st and 2nd place. #Trent well and truly put back in their place with that race.

• A whitewash from the two @UniofNottingham female swimmers in the 100m backstroke. Followed similarly by the #UoN men!

• This '8x50m Individual Medley Skins' is an interesting event. Pick stroke out of hat. Last place gets eliminated each time. Come on #UoN!

• And the final of the women's event has come down to 1 Trent contestant v 1 Uni of! Thrilling stuff... Here we go! Come on @UniofNottingham

• The @UniofNottingham swimmer takes it! Fantastic event! Brilliant race.

• The men's final of the event came down to #UoN v #UoN. I'll leave it on a cliffhanger rather than announce which uni was victorious here...

• This was over a long time ago. @UniofNottingham destroy #Trent in the varsity swimming. The trophy well deserved!

Rest In Peace, Nanny

Earlier this month whilst looking over the Pinkun messageboard I came across not one, not two, but in fact three posts related to the death of a poor cat. Only 8 years old. Now like my mum, and my dear nanny before her, and in fact much of my family – I've grown up with cats. Absolutely love them, so I have the deepest sympathy for the loss of what I’m sure was a much-loved member of a caring family, but if an 8 year old cat gets recognition upon their death three times on the most used forum of a Premier League football club – then the least my 81-year-old nanny and the greatest woman I will ever know deserves is a dedication on my own blog. A statement that could never annotate the full measure of just how special she was, but one that I feel at least deserves an attempt.

Cutting it fine is an understatement with regards to the death of my Granddad and my expedition to America. Two days before I took flight, not to return for a further four months and a half, was my granddads’ funeral. For six or seven years prior my Granddad had been extremely ill, looked after by my Nanny to the maximum that she could possibly muster, before Granddad eventually had to be taken to a care home. Even then she would take any means possible to visit him on multiple occasions each and every week without fail, even though he was barely able to put together a sentence let alone hold down a conversation, and was left to the confines of his bed for much of this period, such was the extent of his illness. But never did that put Nanny off, and day after day she’d get herself to the home simply to sit there and give Granddad some company. He was helpless, there was no way he could show gratitude or repay her for such overwhelming commitment. Something tells me Granddad fought his illness so strongly and held on for so long for Nanny, perhaps the only way he could give something back, perhaps…

Between Granddad and having all the time in the world for everybody she cared about, Nanny led a life most 80-year-olds simply couldn’t manage. My sister said to me she has been described as the only person who’s grandmother goes out more than her, and that’s probably not far from the truth. Somehow she managed to uphold a life full of days out, seeing friends and maintaining herself as an invaluable member of her local community – where there seemed to be barely a soul who wasn’t aware of who she was. All this came without any sacrifice of time for any of her children or grandchildren. I don’t know how she found enough time in the day.

The day before I was due to fly back to England, I lost my passport. Now that’s a whole other story, which I won’t go in to, but I ended up needing to get through to somebody back home to pay for an emergency passport in order for me to get home. Now, of course, the majority of my family was un-contactable, as always, except my Nanny. My nanny would do absolutely anything for me, as she would for our entire family, so it goes without saying that she didn't hesitate to pay whatever it took to get me home. Not only did she then refuse to allow me to pay her back, she duly gave my sister and two cousins the equivalent to make-up for it. She never tired of spoiling us. This was the single last thing she’d be capable of doing for me whilst she was still at her home. For by the time I was back, I had to face to fact that she herself was very ill, and had gone into hospital. There’s no doubting that 81 years of age made her old, but for somebody so healthy and active, 81 years still didn't seem anywhere near long enough.

When we visited her in hospital, Nanny would tell us of the times she used to play with us as kids; how she trusted we’d look after our uncle when he needed it for which she had been pivotal and had been an outstanding mother; how pleased she was to see my own mother take on the Nanny role with my nephew that she had performed to such an immaculate and unrivaled standard. I told her she would live until she was at least 90, she smiled. Knowing she wouldn't  but never letting it on to us. I told her I’d buy her lunch from the little café up the city I used to meet her at whenever I was back from university. She’d treated me to it so many times, it was my turn. I brought it to the hospital, she ate it all. It was to be the last one she had. Soon after she began becoming too tired and drowsy from the painkillers she was on to be able to make sense. That was until the day before I returned to university again. The last time I was to see her. She had perked up, she made sense, she was awake the whole time, she looked better than she had done for weeks. I’m glad I got to see her like that for one last time. I told her I’d be back again soon, I wasn’t soon enough. But maybe that was for the best.

55 years my Nanny and Granddad had been married. Fifty-five years, and somehow she had managed to hold herself together at my Granddad’s funeral. That’s probably the strongest mental strength I’ll ever see. She introduced everybody to everybody. Up and down she went, making conversation, holding the whole thing together. She made Granddad’s funeral quite an amazing thing for me. Somehow she’d turned what should be the saddest of days into a celebration-of-sorts. I felt I needed to hold it together myself for her funeral. If she could do it for Granddad, I could do it for her. I just about managed it, with difficulty.

My nanny will always be more special to me than I can ever put to words. I thought I’d be able to get up and say something for my Nanny at her funeral when her time came. I was wrong. But then I never expected it to be this soon. I hope this goes some way to providing a reasonable dedication to her, even if it falls far short of just how incredible she really was. Rest in peace, to the most special woman I know – a sentiment shared by a lot of people if the number of people that came to her funeral is anything to go by.