The Best-of-the-Worst University Courses

The original draft, produced for 'Fireball Whisky'.

http://www.ignitethenite.co.uk/the-5-best-of-the-worst-university-courses/

Now we’re all aware of the stereotypical, consistently repeated, university-course myths that plague some students for the entirety of their university career: Geographers only need colouring crayons to work on their maps, Film Studies students get to watch Finding Nemo whilst the rest of us study hard for our exams, and so on. Though whilst most of these jokes regarding ‘Mickey-Mouse’ degrees are light-hearted and make no accurate representation of what the degree entails in reality – there are some degrees, courses and modules made available for students that more-than-deserve their negative perceptions as irrelevant, hilariously worthless additions to some poor student’s academic profile. Here are 5-of-the-best, hand-picked from Universities across the United Kingdom. If you’re a prospective student, avoid. If you’re a current student, laugh. If you’re a student currently or previously enrolled on one of the following… Sorry.

David Beckham Studies – Staffordshire University

Take a moment to imagine the following scenario. You take a break from your Law seminar work – or your essay marking, or your consistent yet needless stressing about your child’s apparently non-existent academic success – to find yourself reading up on the latest news headlines in education: ‘Record GCSE Results for the 67^th Year Running’; ‘Literacy Levels Doubled Over 10 Years’; ‘Worlds Leading Businesses Back Government Funding for Medical Schools’… Hang on, though, what’s this? ‘University Cuts Threaten Degrees in David Beckham Studies’?! Horror fills your mind. All your nightmares roll into one. How will the economy survive without those valuable graduates in David Beckham Studies? What are we going to do about Global Warming? How are our children and grandchildren going to survive in a society poisoned with crime and deceit? Now, the media (and me included) have been unfair here. David Beckham Studies isn’t, as portrayed, a degree at all. Staffordshire University offered the study as a module option for students taking Sociology, Sports Science or Media Studies. Even so, nothing takes away the fact this is a remarkably worthless course with fascinating prospects for those who opt-in to the module – zero.

Harry Potter and the age of Illusion – Durham University

Fill in the ‘blank’ to create the description of an exceedingly rewarding research module offered at one of the country’s most highly-respected educational institutes: “Aims to place the phenomenon that is … ‘blank’… in its social, cultural and educational context”. Globalisation, maybe? Feminism? Multiculturalism..? Harry Potter?! Now there was me thinking when my 2-year-old Nephew became obsessed with Harry Potter it was to do with the wizardry and make-believe characters that have made Harry Potter so astonishingly popular over the last decade. Little did I know he was in fact “considering the relevance of Harry Potter to the educational system in the twenty-first century”. A key learning outcome of this course is to develop a “knowledge and understanding of the main features of the Harry Potter texts”. Be sure to mention that in your CV’s and subsequent job interviews, graduates. It’ll get you far…

Surf Science – Plymouth University

We’ll all be gone for the summer, we’re on safari to stay, tell the teacher we’re surfin’, surfin’… Plymouth. Yes, that’s right. Drop your Bunsen Burners, test tubes and microscopic lenses – There’s a new science developing – the science of surf. Recently celebrating its 10^th anniversary (amazing it’s been allowed to persist for so long), this supposedly ‘internationally-renowned’ degree course sets you up for careers in, well, Hawaii, maybe? I’m not too sure. Luckily, though, it continues to develop and refine its academic portfolio each year. Surely with this rapid progression, they’ll have developed the three-word-conclusion ‘waste of time’ before its 20^th birthday!

Feel the Force: How To Train the Jedi Way – Queens University Belfast

“Use the force, Luke”, said the university lecturer to undergraduate Luke Walker as he tried to get his head round ‘real-life psychological techniques behind Jedi mind tricks’. Analyzing wider issues such as fatherhood, idealism and destiny, this open-course is “not just about the Star Wars films”, apparently. No, that’s right; it’s also about the Family Guy parodies of the Star Wars films. Maybe they can discuss how Meg Griffin’s lack of involvement in these episodes reflects fatherhood abandonment issues. The course was said to have received 50,000 applicants when it was first made available, that was until prospective students clocked on there was a ‘bring your own light saber’ policy enforced. Youngsters just don’t have the resources available these days.

Viking Studies – University of Nottingham

It is most certainly true that you can never be too prepared for anything. Sun cream at the beach in case you start to burn; spare nappies for when your loving child provides you with a ‘special gift’; an emergency puncture repair kit when off to the country for a bike ride; a set of graduates with all the relevant skills just in case a second period of Viking expansion arises. For the inevitable ‘Viking Age 2’ that the future will, at some point, witness – students of Viking Studies become mastered in the art of spear-fighting and navigating in rough seas. Now, of course, I am fully aware that the Viking Studies degree is actually a study of the Viking Age through the disciplines of English, History and Archaeology... Which begs the question, what’s wrong with a degree in English, or History, or Archaeology? The lucky students to fill the 4 available places on this course must have achieved a very respectable ABB at A-Level – which makes it even more baffling why they would chose such a ridiculously narrow degree course. Each to their own, I suppose.

And finally, my personal favourite from ‘across-the-pond’ - Lady Gaga and the Sociology of Fame – University of South Carolina

“Don’t hide yourself in regret, just love yourself and you’re set, I’m on the right track baby, I was born this way”. Well, if you take this course, you will regret it, all you are set for is worryingly bland future prospects, and you’re most certainly not on the right track, ‘baby’.